Right I’m picky. I’ll be the first person to admit that I am picky. I know what I like. I have this little tick list in my head. Is there anything wrong with that? No! No there isn’t. My best friend reckons that I need to stop being ridiculous. Her exact words ‘just because he has big nostrils doesn’t mean he’s not a good person’. Can you believer her? I am not shallow I just like average sized normal nostrils. It’s not a big thing to ask for. I would rather be picky than settle for a semi attractive guy with really big nostrils.
There was this guy. He didn’t tick my boxes at all but he was persistent. We all know that God loves a tryer. He does, doesn’t he? Firstly I’m not fond of fair hair or blonde hair on a man. It makes me think of the Nazis, I know it’s a strange comparison but it makes sense in my head. Fair hair on a man makes me think of Hitler. You know how Hitler was all for the blonde hair blue eyed boys? Well I think it’s really feminine and also makes me think of Hitler and his Arian race. I think dark hair is much nicer and more masculine on a man. That was the first strike, the fact that he had fair hair. The second strike was his non average sized nostrils. This nostrils were so big that if he sneezed he would cause an earthquake. They were BIG. I just couldn’t stop staring at them from his profile. It wasn’t nice. Then I started to see his nostrils in my dreams. That also wasn’t nice.
My friends thought I was being silly and crazy, but they changed their minds when they say the nostrils!! So who’s vain now? The thing I didn’t really understand was his persistent, like this guy was EVERYWHERE. Then I started to wonder ‘maybe he ACTUALLY doesn’t realise that he has really big nostrils?’. There is no way that he was aware of this. I could tell from his badly angled selfies, all you could see were his nostrils. His really big nostrils.
However I’m all about giving people chances and I thought to myself ‘hey what have I got to lose?’ I had nothing to lose so I gave in. Now in person his nostrils were not as large as they had seemed from my phone. To be honest he was quite attractive despite the fair hair and his height. Okay so that was another problem; his height. He couldn’t have been any taller than 5 ft 5 and that is me being generous. I’m a small person but I don’t necessarily want to paired with another small person. Our children wouldn’t stand a chance would they? We would procreate even smaller people, we would be like a really small people family. Basically it’s not nice. Look at me I never stood a chance, my parents are small people and they passed on those genes to me. It’s not fair since my brothers are both tall people and they haven’t even finished growing. I was stuck with the short genes, I haven’t grown since I was fourteen. Although when I was twenty I was pretty sure that I had grown a few centimetres but my doctor assured me that it was my hair.
So he didn’t tick the first two boxes on my list. Fair enough he seemed nice enough I guessed. However my eyes then drifted to his feet. I have an obsession with clean footwear, it’s kind of rude if your shoes are dirty I think. His choice of footwear was impressive, his shoe size was not. He couldn’t have been bigger than a size 5. His runners were TINY, they were really small. So small that I was starting to feel really uncomfortable. Why were his feet so small?
The conversation was flowing but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his feet. What made it even more insulting was the fact that after our encounter I barely heard from him. I guess the thrill of the chase was over? Seriously though I gave this guy a chance and he decides to treat me as if he were good-looking. Can you imagine? He still to this day keeps uploading those unattractive selfies of himself from those horrendous angles. I just get this urge to comment ‘stop flaring your nostrils’. People double tap to zoom in you know. We can all see up his anal canal and it is NOT nice.
What did I learn from this? Basically that I will probably die alone due to the fact that I am picky? I prefer the term selective though if I’m honest. On a serious note I think that we all have a type in our heads. The mistake that we make is that we let this ‘type’ consume us. To be honest most of the features that we ‘think’ we are looking for do not exist. Does Prince Charming ACTUALLY exist? Is Superman really going to whisk into one of my lectures looking like he was carved by angels, lift me from my seat and carry me into the sunset? No unfortunately he is not because if I saw a grown man dressed as Superman in broad daylight, I would more than likely call the police. The moral of the story is Mr. Right/Perfect is a character we have created in our minds. He is a fictious creature who only exists in our imagination. My problem? I guess I’m focusing too much on Mr. Wrong and not focusing on myself. My God this whole single thing is a lot harder than I thought it would be.
Happy Dating 🙂
21 going on 30 